Language
by Vendredii
Summary: {Rolivia} An alternate ending to Rapist Anonymous.
1. Chapter 1

_Give me release _

_Let the waves of time and space surround me_

_.x._

'Oh I don't need to pay for someone to listen to my problems.'

Those were not words she ever expected to hear out of Amanda's mouth, never the less directed to her. The Amanda she knew who never say anything like that; especially about her therapy. Amanda knew all the gory details, every second alone with him, and she knew for more reasons than one. She also knew another Amanda, one that could not stand receiving help, one that liked to stand up for herself, one that she cared deeply for. But that same Amanda fell down a hole so deep, it seemed as if she was willing to climb over others to get back to normal.

Olivia Benson all but slowly opened her first bottle of wine. God, she hoped Amanda was okay. She had tried calling the blonde, but after 10 texts and 5 missed calls, Benson gave up. Amanda probably didn't want to talk to anyone. Not even Olivia and most certainly, not Nick. Olivia laughed to herself as she remembers Nick and Amanda's argument earlier.

'I'd recommend help, but they don't have a twelve step program for pity.'

Amaro would get over it. Amanda was on edge, they all were. Oh, she knew Fin would have to leave Nate black, blue and bloody for doing that to Amanda. But she seemed over. She seemed okay. Plus, Fin didn't have access to Nate's address. (She had a feeling the other senior detective would find it anyway) A knock at her door right as she was about to take a sip of her wine caused the senior detective to groan, wondering who it could possibly be at this time of night.

"Who is it?" Olivia asked the other side of the door. She looked through her peephole, but her hallway was too dark.

The figure cleared their throat. "I-it's me, Liv."

_Cause I need room to breathe _

_Let me float back to the place you found me_

Sighing, Olivia opened her apartment door, only to have her mouth hang out slightly at the sight in front of her. Amanda Rollins stood there in the dimly lit hallway. A small bouquet of probably 5 red roses wrapped in silver tissue paper. Clad in tight black jeans that were partially dirty, an equally dirty white blouse and black ankle length boots, Amanda received questioning stares from her Olivia. The blonde's hair was frazzled and her eyes were red as if she had been crying. It made Olivia wondered what had happened, but she didn't say anything.

"What is this?" Olivia asked, trying her best not to show her feelings. Since it was clear Amanda didn't feel the same. Amanda looked away blinking back tears and wiping them with the back of her hand. It was then that Olivia noticed the bruise on Amanda's neck.

"This is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you and saying I'm sorry for earlier tonight." Rollins confessed, trying so hard to break down, cry and tell Olivia everything. She handed the roses forward and hoped the brunette would accept them.

And she did.

They stood in silence as Olivia contemplated what exactly to say next. "Amanda, I'm not angry at you. I have no reason to; you showed you weren't interested, I should've kept my distance."

"No, Olivia. T-that's not…I can't…"Amanda stuttered as she shifted on her leg, in pain, both mentally, emotionally and physically. She just wanted to go away and never have to look back.

"Can't what? Can't accept that things can't just disappear?" Olivia wanted to know. She reached out to touch Amanda's arm, but the Southern jerked away, raising alarm. "Amanda…"

"I shouldn't have come here. This was a mistake." Amanda declared shaking her head as she turned around to leave. From the way she was walking, Olivia could tell she was in deep pain. The brunette felt as if there was nothing she could do. So she let Rollins run/walk away. Olivia looked down at the roses in her hand. What did this mean? Her phone buzzed from inside her apartment. She placed the roses in her room.

She'd never forget that night, because what happened afterwards would affect her forever.

_I'll be okay_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: check out the poll on my page if you can**

Amanda didn't show up to work the next day, or the day after that, or even the day after that one. This deeply worried Olivia, but she pushed the blonde out of her mind. Amanda had been very clear and upright about her feelings towards Olivia when she started dating that cheating douche. Yet, what did the roses mean? She would never comprehend that, nor did she think Amanda would have an explanation. The roses had nothing to do with Olivia's worry. The way Amanda was walking, the dirt on her clothes, the bruised neck and red eyes were what was worrying her. She didn't want the worst forming in her head, so to distract her mind; she pulled out a book to read.

But after reading the same page three times and still not knowing what the damned page said, she gave up.

Olivia Benson stood up from her seat on her living room couch. Today was everyone's day off. Cragen called Amanda the first day she didn't 'show up'. She claimed she was sick.

_Sure you're right._

Benson wanted to say something to Cragen, but every time she started to form a simple sentence, it got all jumbled in her head.

All day Olivia had been working to get the southerner off her mind. Whether it was her attraction or her worry, Amanda was always in her head. She had flipped through endless TV shows, tried a new cooking recipe, and even attempted calling Elliot again. As if she would ever get an answer from him. The young blonde still terrified her.

She pulled on a pair of black running shoes as she decided what she was going to do. Amanda was not just going to disappear from Olivia's mind, nor would the brunette just allow Amanda to ignore her. With one swift motion, she slipped her arms through the sleeves of her favorite brown leather jacket and opened her front door.

'Oh I don't need to pay for someone to listen to my problems'

The words streamed through Olivia's ears as she headed for the subway. They didn't anger her, just further worried her. Everyone was seeing a different Amanda, and no one liked her. It was all because of Nate. As she walked through crowds of people down the subway, she really started wishing that she had took Fin up on his offer to go teach Nate a lesson.

"Amanda." Olivia said softly from outside if the blonde's apartment door. No response except something crashing and falling.

"Amanda!" She was met by silence as she knocked. She was starting to get irritated. Amanda seemed to be going all out to ignore her.

"Amanda. I know you're in there!" Olivia shouted. She sighed and leaned back against the doorway. How was she going to do this? "Amanda, please open the door." Resort to desperation; that ought to do.

Slowly, the door cracked open. The taller woman pushed herself off the door and turned around to face who was on the opposite side. Amanda had the door open just enough to see her face, and even then, Olivia gasped at the younger woman's appearance. Rollins' eyes immediately gave away that she had not had any sleep the previous night. Her skin seemed paler than its usual complexion. She looked like hell, an Olivia was certain from the look in Rollins' eyes, that she knew it too.

"What do you want?" The younger said somewhat harshly.

"I'm sorry." The brunette said after moments of silence.

Amanda blinked a few times before a soft chuckle came from the back of her throat. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

Olivia opened and shut her mouth a few times, because she could not answer the question. She sighed again for the 100th time in 6 hours.

"A lot," She watched Amanda's eyebrows come together in confusion. "I'm sorry for treating you like a second class citizen when you first got here. I'm sorry for not understanding what you going through. I'm sorry for expecting you to have the same feelings I have for you. I'm sorry for almost ruining what we had as a friendship, and I am sorry that I fell in love who someone who doesn't love me back."

Amanda shook her head to keep the tears from falling. She couldn't face Olivia like this, she just couldn't.

"You were grieving over Elliot. You didn't know about my gambling. And I do Olivia. I feel the same way. But you can't expect me to show it. I'm not good as those types of things." Amanda said it quiet, almost too quiet for Olivia to hear.

The stood in silence for a while longer, but Olivia broke it again. "Amanda, what happened yesterday night?"

* * *

**A/N: Second part because it was the only thing I felt like writing. I might continue this as a mini-story.**

**Oh, I might not update for a while on anything because my dad apparently wants to 'bond' with me by taking away my laptop for a week while we to go to the middle of fucking nowhere.**

**I feel like this a just an opportunity for him to try and talk the lesbian out of me. Oh well. I'll just use my sister's laptop to update.**


End file.
